Maybe Someday
by SaturnOolaa
Summary: Things are different in University. But maybe not different enough. Post-series, Kyon/Haruhi, Kyon/Koizumi.
1. Chapter 1

Disc: Not mine.  
AN: This is the first of three parts of a future Suzumiya Haruhi fic otherwise known as "The Disappearance of Koizumi Itsuki." So, I usually write fanfiction that I feel could sort of happen with in the world of the story in question, but most of the stuff in this story is not what I think would happen after the series ends. It does, however, fufill certain... uh... needs I had. So I'm pleased with it despite the overall ridiculousness. And I hope it is at least somewhat entertaining!

MAYBE SOMEDAY PART ONE

Si les grands yeux de mon Dieu  
Ne me gardaient pas,  
Je te volerais.  
-Kate Bush

The joke of it is that it was Haruhi's suggestion they become roommates.

It came around around October of last year while the three of them were hanging out together in the common room of Haruhi's dorm, and Haruhi was cutting Koizumi's hair. This is one of the ways university taught them to economize: Haruhi has learned to cut hair, and like most of the things she tries, she excels at it.

This was the time just after she had stopped wearing ribbons and gotten a pixie cut. Her jeans and sweatshirt that day were a far cry from the sailor uniform of North High; she looked almost boyish. She was layering Koizumi's hair with unusual patience, completely unconcerned with the stares of her dormmates.

"You sure you don't want me to dye it? Maybe red?"

"A trim is fine, thank you." Koizumi's look hadn't changed very much since high school.

Haruhi sighed. "Your loss." And then, without even an acknowledgement that she was changing the subject, "You know what would be fun? You and Kyon should move in together."

Of course Kyon hadn't really been paying attention up until that point, but he spluttered indignantly when he actually registered the conversation. "No way! What? Of course that's not going to happen!"

"And then we could all have parties together-" continued Haruhi without even really listening to him, "and of course we need a new consolidated base of operations." He was pretty sure she wasn't even using the word 'consolidated' right. "And Kyon, you need to leave the nest. It's inconvinient for you to come all this way just to get to school every morning."

Koizumi chuckled - somewhat nervously, he thought. "Haruhi-san, my room is too small for two."

"Don't tilt your head that way! I'll make a mistake!"

"Ah, I'm sorry. Is that better?"

But Haruhi couldn't be distracted from the subject at hand. "So find a new place! Koizumi, I don't know, but you seem to be pretty loaded, right? So you can pay key money. It should be easy to find an apartment for students near here. I can even call in some favours!"

Kyon could only heave a sigh. "What if we don't want to share a room?"

"Why not? You're friends, right? What's the big deal?"

"Haruhi-san," said Koizumi politely, "it's not nesissarily that simple." He winced as the scissors got a little too close to his ears. "Uh, please don't make it too short."

Haruhi shook her head. "You worry too much. It'll look good!" She turned to Kyon. "Hey, go get a broom from the janitor's closet. We need to clean up the hair."

"Why me?"

"Well, you're not doing anything else, are you?"

"...Fine." Anything to help Haruhi forget her stupid ideas.

But he hadn't expected it to be that easy, and it wasn't. Every so often after that Haruhi would bring it up. Eventually, sick of her nagging, Kyon asked Koizumi if it would bother him, and Koizumi said not really.

So now they live together in a 16 jo room. It sucks. Neither of them can cook, and although neither Kyon nor Koizumi are naturally messy people, they just don't seem to have the time to clean up after themselves, so the floor is often impossible to navigate.

But despite all of this, it's cheap, and Koizumi is a good roommate. He doesn't bring people home or make much noise or take too long in the shower. And they get along okay; he's still a frustrating guy, but Kyon's dealt with him for so long that it's not hard to handle.

Over the years since the foundation of the SOS Brigade, incidents of closed space and giants have gotten less and less frequent. In fact Kyon isn't sure of the last time one happened. But when he asked Koizumi whether Haruhi really still needs monitoring, he just shook his head and smiled.

"Well, my superiors believe it's better to be safe than sorry. Some members of the Agency don't trust that the decrease in incidents is permenant."

"Do you?"

Koizumi shrugged his shoulders. "I couldn't say. It all depends on the reason for the change."

Maybe it's just that Haruhi is growing up. She's just as weird as she's always been, but a lot less listless. University is more her intelectual level. And she's gotten better about getting along with people, even if she complains that they're just dull humans and she still really wants to meet a time traveller, ecetera.

"The fact that closed spaces continue to appear, however infrequently, indicates that she's still dissatisfied in some way. Although I personally think it won't be long."

Kyon could only sigh. "And I guess you're not going to tell me why you think that, are you."

"That would spoil the surprise." Koizumi turned back to his Philosophy textbook, a signal that the conversation was officially over and he would ignore anything else Kyon wanted to say. Sometimes he thinks having a roommate is almost worse for Koizumi than it is for him.

xxx

"I don't know which she would prefer."

"Well, I guess I could ask her..."

"But she would likely realize what we have in mind."

Kyon and Yuki are sitting in one of the many coffee shops on campus, tentatively planning Haruhi's twenty-first birthday party. Yesterday Koizumi had said that he might show up if his schedule worked out. But the way he said it indicated that it probably wouldn't, and now it's just the two of them.

Yuki is planning on going with Haruhi into the Engineering program. The ways in which she has changed since she and Kyon first met have been subtle as they have taken place, but taken together, they are nothing short of remarkable.

In the last few years she has grown taller and her formerly cute face is now mature looking. Her hair is longer, always kept in a high, neat ponytail. Her taste in clothing is expensive but not flashy. But her appearance is just the tip of the iceberg. Her style of speaking is more casual, she is able to understand jokes, and occasionally laugh at them. And her smile is uncommon but not unheard of.

Kyon isn't really sure if Yuki has developed human emotions or just gotten better at mimicing them. Maybe for her, there is no difference between the two.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he says, and takes another drink of coffee. The current discussion is about whether to have the party at a restaurant or a bar. Either way they'll probably be heading to a bar afterwards, so it doesn't matter, but neither of them have much experience planning parties and the pressure is making Kyon, at least, indecisive.

Yuki looks down at her notebook. "We can return to that subject later. Now. On the subject of birthday presents-"

"She told me she wants either the Hubble Telescope or a tank. I can ask her what she wants within the realm of possibility, but she'll probably stick to her guns on this one. Maybe just money."

"Well." Yuki takes a breath that for any other person would be a sigh. "I suppose if she had said anything else, it wouldn't be Haruhi."

Kyon heaves a sigh. "Yeah, that's our girl."

They sit in companionable silence for a while. Even in high school, when she was at her most alien, he felt very comfortable around Yuki. So what if she's part of the Sentinent Integrated Data Being? She's interesting to talk to, and she always seems to have some kind of answer, no matter how weird it is. And something about the fact that she can plan things like birthday parties makes him proud and happy.

"What book are you reading, by the way?"

"Ah, that?" Yuki looks down at her open bookbag. "It's 'Archaelogy of Knowledge.' Koizumi-kun lent it to me."

The thing which exists between Yuki and Koizumi is a sort of weird, guarded friendship. Apparently they hang out together pretty often even without Kyon and Haruhi; Kyon has no idea what they talk about at these times. When it's the four of them, they seem to enjoy complex ethical and philosophical debates which Haruhi sometimes joins.

Kyon sometimes wonders about them. Their personalities seem to have converged over time. Or maybe that's the wrong word: since Yuki has gotten more impatient, and Koizumi has gotten more inscrutable, it now sometimes seems like he's the less human one. And yet sometimes when he sees the two of them discussing something, there is an expression on Koizumi's face which suggests sadness, or anger, or frustration - in other words, emotions Koizumi conceals from everyone else in his life. He's a weird guy, that's for sure.

As he is lost in his thoughts, Yuki is looking expressionlessly at the book cover. The hint of a shadow crosses her face. "Kyon. How is Koizumi-kun doing?"

"I don't really know." Kyon shrugs. "Same as always, I guess. You know how he is. He just smiles and it's impossible to tell what's going on in there." In fact, he has noticed that Koizumi is a little bit withdrawn lately, but he has always been that way sometimes. Possibly he's concerned with work. Kyon doesn't feel comfortable asking him about these things, especially since he has the feeling he's not supposed to notice Koizumi's moods at all. "Why?"

"No reason in particular." Yuki stands up abruptly. "I need to go to class now. Tell him to be careful, please."

"Be careful with what?" asks Kyon, but it's too late - having said her piece, she is already dropping her coffee cup off at the counter and walking out the door of the cafe.

It's not that he forgets, but there isn't really time for it that afternoon, and in the evening when he sees Koizumi he seems a bit out of sorts.

"You're not going out tonight?"

"No. Why?"

"Nevermind." And of course, Koizumi smiles. "By the way, Haruhi-san called for you."

The message is just Haruhi asking if he wants to hang out sometime. He deletes it, makes a mental note to call her in the morning. He never ends up giving Koizumi that message.

xxx

Haruhi takes him out the next night.

They go to the movies, as they often do when they hang out together. It's some horror movie that got terrible reviews. Haruhi is usually fascinated by bad movies, but tonight she seems bored, and they end up leaving halfway through.

"I'm hungry," says Haruhi, "let's go for ramen," so they do.

Slurping her bowl of noodles, Haruhi looks generally dissatisfied. "It's not as good as usual," she says. "You wanna finish them?"

Typical Haruhi, expecting him to take her leftovers. "I'll pass."

"Suit yourself," and Haruhi just keeps eating them anyway. "So what are you going to go into next year? You'll need to decide soon, right?"

Kyon shrugs his shoulders. "Your guess is as good as mine. Probably business or something."

"Oh, you idiot, don't do that, that's boring." Haruhi looks displeased with him. "Kyon, I thought you had better taste than that! If you don't know what you want to do then you should do something fun! I mean, do you think Koizumi is going to get anywhere with a degree in Philosophy? No, but he's taking it anyway! That takes guts!"

"I don't think Koizumi would appreciate hearing you say that about his degree."

Haruhi dismisses this comment outright. "Well, he should know that it's true. But that's okay. Koizumi will probably end up as some sort of secret agent or something anyhow."

If only she knew, thinks Kyon. Then he wonders briefly what Koizumi is actually planning on doing with his life before remembering that he really shouldn't care.

"Oh, hey!" Haruhi's fist hits the counter. "I thought of something good! So I've decided we should all get together and make another movie. It's time we capitalized on the success of the shaky-cam horror movie genre. I know you love to use tripods, Kyon, but sometimes we have to make sacrifices for the greater good..."

Kyon shakes his head somewhat dispairingly. "The tripod isn't really the problem. We don't even have a camera."

"Oh, something will come up. We can't let ourselves get bogged down by the small details. Just think! It's so perfect! Koizumi can be the hero who is maybe secretly the killer, and Yuki will be the mysterious psychic girl, and of course the innocent heroine will be..." She stops abruptly.

"Haruhi," says Kyon, and moves his hand like maybe he's going to pat her shoulder.

But Haruhi shakes her head. "No," she says quickly, "it's fine. I'm fine." She grins, but it's pretty clear she's just putting it on for him. "I can't believe I'm still doing that."

"It's okay, you know." He wants to let her know that it bothers him too, that it bothers all of them. But Haruhi has always been awkward about these things and there's probably nothing to say.

"Yeah, I know." Haruhi looks down at her empty bowl. "I'm going home."

Sometimes after they go out together Haruhi will demand his company on her way back to the dorm, giving the evening a disturbingly date-like feeling. But tonight they say goodbye and part ways on the street. She probably just wants to be alone right now.

So does he.

Kyon is at school with Haruhi, Yuki, and Koizumi. They are even going to school at the same campus until next year. Tsuraya is at Waseda, and she calls him sometimes, although he doesn't really see her. Taniguchi didn't get into Toudai this year either. But he lives near Kyon, and they hang out quite a lot. So really he's kept most of his classmates from North High.

But it's not enough to make him satisfied.

Mikuru stuck around after she graduated - she was working at the supermarket for that year. She would always drop by the school after classes to make sure everyone was alright. Sometimes for old time's sakes she would even wear the maid costume. But Kyon began to get the feeling that she was getting nervous. And the day Haruhi graduated, she disappeared.

They didn't have a chance to say goodbye. She showed up after the ceremony and gave everyone a hug - Kyon remembers how annoyed he felt when she had to stand on her tiptoes to put her arms around Koizumi, and he remembers the feeling of her soft breasts pressed against him for the last time.

When it was Haruhi's turn she kissed her on the cheek. And Haruhi, for all her times stuffing her into shameless costumes, actually turned red.

"Congragulations, everyone," Mikuru said, beaming. "I'm so happy for all of you, you know, I really..." Then, with a little sniffle, she turned and walked away. Nobody has ever seen her again.

There are times when Kyon feels as though a piece of his heart is missing. What he felt for Mikuru probably wasn't real love. But it was something important. And with Mikuru went the SOS Brigade, and with that those things about high school that you never fully appreciate until they disappear: a sort of bubble-wrap of security, a sense of balance that is gone now.

Kyon wants nothing less than to idealize that time of his life. It was frustrating and most often he hated it. But even so...

When he finally gets home it's around eleven o'clock at night. Koizumi is sitting slumped against the wall, a can of beer held loosely in one hand, a sixpack sitting beside him with a few cans already missing. He takes another drink before he even looks at Kyon.

"Hey," he says, and maybe's it's just Kyon reading too much into it, but he sounds intensely depressed. "What's up."

"Not much," says Kyon, and takes a seat beside him. "I went out with Haruhi."

"I thought so."

Without asking permission, Kyon reaches across Koizumi's lap and grabs a beer. They've been out of the fridge long enough to be warm. Koizumi never used to drink much, but lately he's been keeping six-packs around the apartment, and Kyon has actually seen him drunk a couple of times. Not that it's much different from when he's sober.

"Thanks," he says.

For a while they sit in silence. And Kyon wonders if this is it; he doesn't want to be out with Haruhi, but he doesn't want to be here either. In fact at this moment he can't think of a single place he wants to be at all.

At some point Koizumi turns to him.

"You don't trust me, do you?"

"No," says Kyon frankly.

Koizumi smiles an oddly sly smile.

"Good."

Steadily Kyon drinks himself into a bit of a daze. At some point he feels like they should maybe be playing a board game, but there are none in the apartment. The streetlight outside the window buzzes louder and louder as the night goes on. Koizumi sitting next to him becomes a comforting presence: not in the same way as Yuki, of course, but all the same. They reach anequilibrium, sharing the beer wordlessly, as though sharing a secret.

At some point he falls asleep. When he wakes up it's been maybe an hour, maybe less; he still feels slightly lightheaded from drinking, although not precisely drunk. At first thinks he's dreaming because Koizumi is sucking his cock.

But no.

Koizumi runs his tongue around the head a couple times, his teeth almost scraping against the shaft, than carefully takes the whole thing into his thoat. His cheeks hollow as he sucks.

It feels amazing. Obviously he's done this before. But Kyon doesn't want to think about that, in fact doesn't want to think at all, just wants to close his eyes and fuck Koizumi's mouth.

He opens his eyes again when Koizumi pulls away, only to see that he is reaching down to unzip his jeans. He pulls them down off his skinny hips and casts his eyes around the room searching for something. When he gets up Kyon almost wants to protest, but in a moment he is kneeling in front of Kyon again with a jar of Vaseline in his hands.

With one smooth motion, Koizumi slicks his fingers and reaches around to press them inside himself. For a moment he winces, and Kyon realizes through a haze of confusion that the Vaseline must burn. But he keeps going, rocking his hips tentatively into the motion of his hand.

And then somehow Koizumi's cock is hard without him even touching it, and he bites his lip in a certain way that makes Kyon wonder if he's going crazy, because he should never find Koizumi sexy...

They haven't even showered, he thinks. And then he stops thinking altogether.

The feeling of Koizumi lowering himself onto his cock is so good it makes Kyon naseous. Koizumi draws one long, hoarse, terrible breath. He takes a moment to steady himself. Then, slowly at first but gradually picking up speed, he begins to move, impaling himself on Kyon over and over again.

Kyon knows instinctually he isn't allowed to react to any of this. So he closes his eyes and grits his teeth, just letting Koizumi ride him, trying not to make a sound.

But it's hard to stay still when his cock is engulfed by that tight heat and there's this little wet noise every time Koizumi slides back onto him. Eventually he bucks into it as well, thrusting up so hard Koizumi has to choke off a cry. By this time they are both panting for breath. Kyon's hands are fisted at his sides so he won't be tempted to touch anywhere.

And then he opens his eyes just in time to see Koizumi's face twist in an expression so intense it's impossible to categorize as simply pain or pleasure, and it sends a bolt of lighting from the base of his spine to his cock.

He barely registers that Koizumi has just splattered his stomach with come. He knows that he's supposed to pull out now. But the moment he tries it's already too late, and he shoots deep inside Koizumi in what is maybe, and he doesn't want to be thinking this, the best orgasm he's ever had.

There is no moment of relaxation afterwards.

As Koizumi rolls off of him and gets up, Kyon thinks that he should maybe say something, but he is too comfortable on the floor and too willing to forget everything that just happened. Before he knows it, he has fallen asleep again.

Sometime in the night he feels a breath light on his cheek. Or maybe it's a dream.

xxx

The next time Kyon wakes up is the first time in his life he's ever wished for a hangover. That would be an excuse. But he feels fine, if groggy. The light streaming through the shutters tells him it's morning. Someone has picked up the beer cans that were strewn around the room, and toweled the semen off his abdomen; it doesn't take a genius to recognize who that someone was. The room itself seems strangely empy. Only after Kyon sits up, though, can he see why.

Every last bit of Koizumi's stuff has - of course - been moved out of the apartment. He is gone.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

Disc: Not mine.  
AN: Well, here it is! The long awaited and unfortunately less pornographic second chapter! I'm not quite as pleased with this one as I am with the first. Middles are always difficult. But hopefully the third will be the best of all, so please be patient. ...Aaaaand I guess there's nothing much more to say here.

MAYBE SOMEDAY CHAPTER TWO

Everyone knows I'm in over my head.  
-The Fray

During the time Kyon and Koizumi lived together, Koizumi actually disappeared fairly often. Sometimes he was gone overnight, sometimes as long as a week. He never had an explanation when he came back. Kyon knows they can't all have had to do with Closed Space, or even the Agency. But he always showed up again, behaving as though nothing had happened, so Kyon felt it wasn't his right to question these disappearances.

Of course, he's never taken his things before. And because of what happened Kyon can't help but know in his heart that Koizumi is gone for good.

This conviction only grows stronger as the days pass. He ends up contacting the registration office one afternoon and learning that Koizumi has taken a leave of absence. That could be seen a good sign; at least he hasn't dropped out altogether. But Kyon's not optimistic. It may only be a matter of time.

Since they don't all meet frequently anymore it takes a few days until Haruhi notices that Koizumi hasn't been around. When she asks he straight-out lies: says he's gone to visit his sick grandparents in Hokkaido, and he doesn't know when he'll be back.

"Well, that's our Vice-Commander," she says with a satisfied nod.

Kyon changes the subject immediately afterwards in the hopes she'll spare him a lecture. Right now the last thing he needs is to hear about how great Koizumi is.

He doesn't talk to Yuki about it at all. But clearly she knows he's not being honest about something.

It's really amazing how neatly Koizumi cleaned all his stuff out. Even his leftovers have disappeared from the fridge. He must have had some sort of escape plan a long time in advance, although Kyon thinks - well, hopes, maybe - it wasn't intended for this specific purpose.

After sharing an apartment for nearly a year the little room seems suddenly very spacious. Now Kyon has room for all the mess he feels like making; he can play music as loudly as he wants, and use all the hot water when he showers. He can have people over any time, too, although he doesn't. He doesn't really have close friends now other than Yuki and Haruhi. And by this time he's gotten so used to not bringing people home it's going to take some time.

Really it should feel different than this. Either he's relieved or he's not, right? And if not, he should be feeling angry, or at least annoyed. Some clearly identifiable emotion. Not just this weird, frustrated emptiness.

It's like Koizumi doesn't know how to do anything but make trouble.

The worst thing is that for all he tries, he can't think of a single way things could have gone differently. Understandably, Koizumi's pride wouldn't have been able to take being rejected. If Kyon had said no or pushed him away he would likely have left anyway. If he hadn't fallen asleep like that, there would have been another night, another few beers.

Maybe he should have said something afterwards. But what could he have said to improve the situation? It would probably have taken a qualified therapist to talk the guy down.

Really, the smartest thing would have been not to move in together in the first place.

Kyon always knew, somewhere at the back of his mind, that Koizumi had seriously liked him in high school. But he had assumed that the crush or whatever it was had just gone away with time. After all, Koizumi was the one who seemed more reluctant to share a room with him - and he had sort of taken that as a sign that whatever had been going on, he was over it. Now he realizes it was probably a sign that he wasn't over it at all.

So of course he could have said no. And they would have lived apart. They still would have seen each other, of course, and they would have been acquaintances. But there would have been no reason for them to hang out together or see each other without Haruhi and Yuki, no further link between them, so they would have drifted away from one another, gradually.

He would never have seen Koizumi brushing his teeth. Or known how bad his cooking really is. And they wouldn't have had any of those conversations about the existence of free will.

Either way, there's no use thinking things like this. What's done is done.

xxx

Kyon, Haruhi, and Yuki are sitting outside of Komaba Library. It's a reasonably nice day. Haruhi is complaining about one of her classmates - "And then he said something about statistics, women's inferior aptitude in the sciences... well, it was amazing! This is the 21st century, after all! If we hadn't been in class..."

"Yeah, that's messed up," says Kyon, who doesn't know the slightest thing about science.

Haruhi smiles and thumps him on the shoulder. "Good boy. See, this is why you're great, Kyon! You know enough to just sit back and obediently be my lackey!"

"Who's supposed to be your lackey?" But he can't work up the enthusiasm to really argue.

"Oh, incidentally," continues Haruhi without a pause, "I found someone who would be willing to lend us a video camera for the horror movie. He says he's got some contacts in the Arts department. We'd need to put up some money as collateral, but that shouldn't be a problem for you, right?"

"Of course it's a problem!"

Yuki closes the book in her hands. "I can put it up," she says. "If it's necessary."

"No way!" Haruhi snorts. "Yuki, you need to learn that guys don't feel happy unless they can pay the bills. After all..."

As she goes on about male psychology, Kyon drifts off in thought. Somehow the conversation feels weird. There's nobody to smile and agree with Haruhi or make innocuous but somehow creepy remarks to him.

He has the sudden realization that there will be one less person at Haruhi's birthday party. From now on it's going to be just the three of them. No Mikuru, no Koizumi. The SOS Brigade has finally been dissolved. Missing one person is bad enough, but two is nearly half the group. With just three people you can't really call it a Brigade anymore.

Right now, Haruhi can act like normal because she doesn't know that Koizumi isn't coming back. Sooner or later, though, she's going to find out, and it will hurt. After all, Koizumi was her Vice Commander. But Haruhi isn't the kind of person who can talk about things like losing a friend. So she'll go on as normal, and meanwhile, the hole in her heart left from when Mikuru disappeared will get wider and wider.

And he doesn't know what he'll do. Or even how he feels about it.

"Kyon?" Haruhi waves her hand in front of his face. "Kyon! You listening?"

Startled, Kyon snaps out of his thoughts. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry."

"...Are you okay?"

It's a weird question for Haruhi to ask. She's not usually concerned with other people's states of being, and being asked makes Kyon almost uncomfortable. "Yeah, I'm fine," he says quickly. "Sorry. What were you saying?"

"I said, I'm going," says Haruhi, standing up. "I'll see you guys later."

Usually Haruhi is direct to an almost ridiculous extent. If she wants company, she'll say so. But as she walks away, Kyon gets the weird feeling that she wants him to follow her.

Of course he doesn't. Kyon is stubborn, and whenever he gets the feeling he's supposed to be doing something, he perversely wants not to do it.

Once Haruhi has totally disappeared from view he taps Yuki on the shoulder to get her attention.

Then he takes a deep breath. "Listen. I don't need to tell you that you can't say anything to her, but. About the night Koizumi disappeared." He grimaces, unwilling to continue, but he doesn't have much of a choice. "I got home late. We were drinking. ...And then we had sex."

Yuki's expression changes little. "Ah."

"Y-you knew?"

"Not precisely, no. But I suspected that something along those lines had occurred."

"You were worried about him before, too, weren't you." Kyon thinks back to their conversation at the coffee shop. "Did something happen? Like, he said something about it, or..."

"Not directly. Well, he did talk to me a couple of months ago. You and Haruhi-san were out at the time." Yuki looks up, as though her thoughts are far away. "He said that he was worried about his self-control. That if things didn't change soon, he might do something selfish." The words come out slowly, carefully. "And he requested my advice."

"...What did you say?"

"I told him I wasn't qualified to advise him on the subject of selfish actions. He laughed. Then he told me that if anything happened, I was to take care of things here. And there was nothing more to say."

The sad thing is, Kyon can imagine this conversation in perfect detail, from Yuki's unflinching gaze to the sharp edge of Koizumi's laughter. And that smile on his face, the one that makes it completely impossible to know what he's thinking. Not that anyone can tell what he's thinking anyway. ...Apparently Koizumi is a mystery even when doing it with another guy.

For a while they just sit there.

"I don't think he's coming back, you know."

"Most likely not."

"...Is that okay with you?"

"Well, I have no choice in the matter." Yuki stares at the ground. Her expression is one of the most readable Kyon's ever seen on her - it's just loneliness. "...But it would have been good to be able to talk with him about Foucault. I was curious... as to what he thought about some of these ideas."

"Do you know where Koizumi's Agency has its headquarters?"

"Yes." Taking a piece of paper and pen from her bookbag, Yuki neatly writes out an address in Ueno. "If you want to go today, you should hurry. It's getting late. I don't know how long they stay open."

"Yuki - thanks for everything."

Yuki nods, rather stiffly.

On the train ride there Kyon stares blankly out the window and wonders if Koizumi knows just how much Yuki values him. What started out as a relationship of convenience for both of them has turned into a real friendship, and Yuki is apparently willing to break her policy of non-action for him.

Kyon isn't sure that Yuki is capable of romantic love. After all, she's still a part of the Integrated Sentient Data Entity. But he is positive that in her own way, she loves the SOS Brigade - him and Haruhi and Koizumi and Mikuru, too. And this may be her way of showing him that she trusts him to keep the group together.

Not that he knows how to do that. Maybe it's a lost cause. After all, he knew things would be different the day Mikuru left. The stages of life are fleeting. Leaving high school changes things for everyone, even Suzumiya Haruhi. That's all.

The thing is, usually, when a problem comes up regarding the group, he eventually ends up going to Koizumi for advice. Of course this time it's different. Koizumi himself is at the centre of the problem. And he probably isn't going to give any answers. Kyon's not really even sure if he should be going to see him, considering what happened.

He just wants to talk to him, that's all. There should be nothing weird about that.

xxx

The building for the Agency is like any other office building in the area - new and tall and almost disturbingly clean. The chrome-plated lettering above the door says 'Suzuharu Private Investigation Agency.' Kyon has to chuckle at the stupid pun.

There's a woman dressed in a navy-blue business suit just outside the building door. She is smoking a cigarette with a thoroughly apathetic expression on her face. Kyon has only ever seen her a couple of times, both during high school, but he manages to remember her name.

"Sonou-san...?"

When she sees Kyon, Sonou Mori is startled and drops her cigarette. She watches with regret as it burns out on the sidewalk, then turns to Kyon with a stern businesslike look on her face. "He isn't available right now."

Kyon opens his mouth to protest.

"I said, he isn't available right now. Didn't you hear me?" Her expression becomes even sterner. "It's going to be better for everyone if you leave."

"I really need to talk to him." Kyon keeps talking through Sonou's protests. "Listen, if you think I'm here to hurt him or whatever, I'm not. I just need to know some stuff. Honestly."

Sonou looks doubtful. "As far as I know, you're the last person he wants to see."

"Well, I'm not leaving until I can talk to him."

"Sonou-san, please." Kyon bows his head. "Just once. I really need to talk to him."

Sonou just stares at him for a moment. Then she throws her hands up in exasperation. "Oh, well, I don't care anymore. Okay, it's your problem, you can deal with the consequences. Let's go. Just make it quick."

"Yeah."

She leads him into the building. The receptionist at the front desk seems a little wary, but Sonou says "it's fine, he's safe," and she lets them through to the hallway. It still seems like a perfectly normal office building. If there's any weird Esper stuff going on here, it's happening behind safely locked doors.

As they wait for the elevator, Sonou taps her foot impatiently. Her attitude is a far cry from the time he met her as a maid during the murder mystery.

"Of course," she says quietly, out of nowhere, "everyone was shocked. He was nearly expelled from the Agency. The only reason they've decided to let him stay on is that the entire time he's been with us, he's never done one thing this..." And she sighs with exasperation. "This stupid."

The elevator arrives. Kyon says nothing, but he follows Sonou inside. Looking at the buttons he notices that there are too many of them. Maybe there are more floors on the inside of the building than on the outside. This is a thoroughly creepy thought.

"Do you know what he said to me when he called?" Sonou continues, pressing her lips together disapprovingly. "'Sorry, I did it.' That was all. I mean, I knew he was having problems, but I didn't even know what was going on until I went to pick him up and he had all his things in boxes on the stairs."

"So... what's going to happen to him now?"

Sonou shrugs her shoulders. "Because there have been so few incidents of Closed Space within the last year, the Agency is starting to withdraw to observe Suzumiya Haruhi more indirectly. There are a lot of agents at Toudai... he might be training one as a replacement. Other than than, your guess is as good as mine."

"Oh."

He kind of hopes that she will volunteer more information. But the elevator stops suddenly, and Sonou is silent as she leads him down the hallway. After passing several doors she points to one on the left-hand side no different from any of the others.

"This is where he's staying right now," she says. "Just do me a favour and... well, you probably think you're hard done by or something. But you'd better understand that things haven't been easy for him, either. So be careful."

Kyon nods. "Yeah, I'll try. Thank you, Sonou-san."

Without another word to him, Sonou turns back down the corridor, muttering to herself about stupid kids as she leaves. Kyon takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

"Koizumi?"

After a moment he tries again.

"Koizumi, I know you're in there, so say something!"

But there is no reply.

"I just want to talk! I'm not angry or anything!"

"...You should be." The voice from the other side of door is very faint, but it is immediately recognizable as Koizumi's. He can't see it, but right now Kyon can imagine that for once, Koizumi isn't smiling. "Speaking frankly, I got you drunk and took advantage of you. Anger would be a natural response."

This is a good point. "Well, I kind of was," which is not even true, but whatever, "but I've calmed down. I want to talk to you. I mean, you left without saying anything."

"I wonder why."

"If that's supposed to be a joke, it's not very funny."

"...I'm sorry."

In all the time Kyon has known him, Koizumi has apologized for very little. Hearing him say it now is just weird. And he has to wonder if it's an apology just for being sarcastic, or for what happened that night. Then he wonders if Koizumi regrets what he did. And that thought makes him feel so weird he has to stop wondering.

His goal had simply been to get to Koizumi. But now that he can talk to him, he finds himself strangely unsure of what to say, what questions to ask. Koizumi could retreat at any time. He needs to think fast.

"What are your plans?"

"I'm sure you've heard of the Witness Protection Program."

"...What?"

"That was a joke." There's a short, sharp laugh. "I'm on observational duty for the moment. After that, I'll be leaving the Agency. And Japan. I'm going to study in France."

"That far?"

"I believe in making a clean break."

Kyon frowns, although he knows Koizumi can't see it through the door. "...So you're just going to run away?"

"That's about right."

"Why?"

"Because Suzumiya-san can't be allowed to know what happened."

Kyon feels suddenly nervous. There had been no connection in his mind between Haruhi and the events of that night. "She'll never find out," he says.

"Is that so," replies Koizumi mildly. "You may not have realized, but she's very perceptive when it comes to things concerning you. Although she seems to have calmed down now, considering her prior behavior, I doubt she would take any dramatic news - for instance, that we had sex - very well." Kyon flushes. "And as I'm sure you know, it's in all our best interests to avoid any further incidences of Closed Space."

"If that's the case, then why did you...?"

"I didn't care."

For a moment, neither of them speaks. It's such an awkward silence Kyon starts to wonder if maybe Koizumi has left the room. But after a second there's a thumping sound against the door, as though Koizumi is leaning against it.

"Supporting characters who overstep their roles... should just disappear into the background and let things end happily."

"What does that even mean!?"

"It means I'm done. You should go back to Haruhi."

"I'm not her errand boy."

"...That's not what I meant."

"Then what..." But that's a stupid question, because truthfully, he knows exactly what Koizumi meant. He just doesn't like it at all. "We're friends. We're not like that."

Koizumi is probably raising an eyebrow. "Are you sure? Because as far as I know, you've never discussed it."

"We don't need to."

"Maybe you do."

And the thought of Koizumi, having slept with him, suggesting that he and Haruhi need to talk things out like some sort of relationship expert... is so simultaneously laughable and depressing that Kyon can't think of a suitable reply. "You're a weird guy," he says weakly.

"This is going nowhere." There's a muffled sigh. "Look, why did you come here? You know how things stand. What do you want from me?"

It's a good question. Kyon has to think for a moment.

What he really wants is for Koizumi to come back and for things to be the same as always, but that's just not going to happen. Just because he will be able to forget that night doesn't mean Koizumi is the same. And if it was ever hard for Koizumi to be around him before, certainly it would be impossible now. The fact that Koizumi has chosen to move away is understandable. And Kyon has no say in that.

But all the same, he doesn't want the end to be like this, standing on opposite sides of a door. It's too different from how he's known Koizumi all this time. And Haruhi and Yuki won't even get this chance...

"I want you to come and meet with Haruhi," says Kyon finally. "And Yuki." He doesn't add 'and me.' "You remember when M... Asahina-san left, how hurt we were that she didn't say goodbye. This is the same. And, I mean, her birthday is coming up. You owe it to her. Besides, Yuki still has to return that book to you."

"I don't know."

"Please."

The door opens just a sliver. It's half-hidden by the shadows, but finally Kyon can see Koizumi's face.

He doesn't look good. In fact, he looks the worst Kyon has ever seen him, a far cry from his usual put-together good looks. His hair is a mess and there are dark shadows under his eyes that make him look tired and haunted. His face is expressionless, but something in his eyes looks... scared, maybe.

"Very well. I'll meet you on Wednesday at Sanshiro Pond. But this is the last time."

Then the door closes again, resoundingly.

TO BE CONCLUDED


	3. Chapter 3

Disc: Not mine.  
AN: Well, it's done, and I feel pretty good about it! I hope everyone's happy with the ending. ...Or, actually, it was going to end here, but there will probably be a sequel, because that's just what happens when I spend too much time thinking about these things. Thanks for all the glowing reviews, you guys have been rad.

MAYBE SOMEDAY CHAPTER THREE

I don't care if forever never comes Cause I'm holding out for that teenage feeling.  
-Neko Case

Usually Kyon masturbates the same way he brushes his teeth. It's just part of the daily routine, not something he really thinks about much. Occasionally he gets a porn magazine or something, puts more effort into it, but he always feels a little pathetic jerking off now that he's actually had sex with a girl.

It's been a couple of weeks. He's already gotten used to being alone. So there's no reason for this morning to be different from any other.

Except that as he's fisting his cock he happens to glace at the space where Koizumi's futon used to be. He remembers, vaguely, the rustling sounds Koizumi's sheets made at night when he was trying to jerk off as silently as possible. And all of a sudden the thought crosses his mind that all those times, Koizumi was doing it thinking about him.

His cock gives a sudden twitch in his hand as this image hits him. He pictures Koizumi with his boxers around his ankles, face flushed, maybe biting his tongue to keep from moaning, staring at Kyon's back on the other side of the room. Or maybe in the shower, bracing himself up against the wall with one hand and stroking his cock with the other, panting and shivering as he imagines Kyon fucking him.

It's like some kind of sick perpetual feedback loop. His hand starts to move faster, and now Kyon is jerking off thinking about Koizumi thinking about Kyon and part of him knows exactly how wrong that is, and he still can't manage to stop.

He allows himself to remember the feeling of Koizumi tightening around him, the night they did it. The memories are still razor-sharp in his mind. The way his breath came in little hisses, his eyes squeezed shut as Kyon's cock pushed into him deeper and faster. It was so weird, so amazingly good...

He comes harder than he has in a long time.

For a second he just stays there, blinking. Trying not to think about what just happened. But of course that's impossible, and all of a sudden things have gotten a lot more confusing.

xxx

Once his classes are over, he heads for the library. Yuki and Haruhi are sitting outside. He almost hopes they don't see him. He's been feeling weird all day - trying to convince himself that what happened this morning isn't worth thinking about, and not doing a very good job. He feels vulnerable, somehow, like everyone on campus is going to be able to see what he did just by looking. But if they can, they certainly don't say anything.

He's just decided it's probably best to walk away when Haruhi looks up and sees him and it's too late. "Ah! It's Kyon!" Yuki raises her hand in a wave.

"Hey," he says them a little awkwardly. "How's it going?"

Yuki is the one to answer first, which is unusual. "We're doing well. Are you?" Her expression is solemn. "Have you heard from Koizumi-kun?"

They haven't had a chance to talk since he went to the Agency the other day, but presumably she can guess how it went. "Yeah," he replies, "I talked to him. He's not doing too well." He remembers that Haruhi is there, and clears his throat. "I mean, it looks like his grandparents are still really sick."

"Well, it's good that he's so concerned about them," says Haruhi lightly, and then changes the subject to her upcoming midterms.

For a second he thinks about telling her the truth. He'll need to do it eventually - she needs to be there to say goodbye. But today, with everything else that's happened, he just can't bring himself to say the words. He sits down beside Yuki and listens as hard as he can.

Usually Haruhi is fine with holding up three ends of a conversation. But maybe it really is showing on his face how weird he feels: she falls silent after a while, looking at him speculatively before she continues.

"Hey, should I grow my hair out again?"

"What?"

"It's pretty short." Haruhi gestures to her hair. It has gotten longer since the dramatic pixie cut, but not by much. "If I grew it out, I could wear it in a ponytail again. So what do you think?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Well." She shrugs. A mischievous grin spreads over her face. "You know..."

And she trails off, in a way suggesting that the conclusion of that sentence should be obvious.

He doesn't intend on saying it. It's such a small thing; it shouldn't bother him that much. He's just tired, and frustrated, and it's the first thing that comes into his head.

"Don't act like we're going out."

"...What did you say?"

Haruhi stares at him in pure and utter disbelief, as though he's speaking a foreign language. This is it, then. The moment he's been waiting for ever since high school. He could backtrack, try to pretend it was a joke, but they both know it wasn't. For a second he thinks: maybe I've just doomed the world. And somehow this just makes him feel even more frustrated.

"I said, don't act like we're going out. It's annoying."

He's not really that surprised when her response is to take a swing at him. She's fast: he doesn't manage to duck in time, and the punch hits him square in the nose. The pain is intense. He puts his hands up to his nose and they come away bloody.

Even then, Haruhi isn't finished. Yuki catches her fist just before it connects again. She pulls her back and holds on with unnatural strength, but Haruhi's face is contorted with rage and she fights hard to break free.

Yuki stares at Kyon. "You should go now." Her voice and eyes are both snow-cold.

"Yeah," says Kyon, "I should."

"KYON! YOU IDIOT!" shouts Haruhi after him, as he walks away. "I'M GONNA KILL YOU! GET BACK HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!"

But once he's out of sight he has no idea where to go. He wants to talk to someone. But he doesn't know who. If only there were someone who knew. Someone who could listen.

There isn't. And there's no point in thinking that way.

At home he throws his bloody t-shirt in the laundry basket and goes into the bathroom to clean up the mess that is his face.

Why did he even say that to her? So far, he's done a good job at ignoring Haruhi's feelings for him, walking a tightrope between rejecting her and just giving in. It's this thing with Koizumi that's thrown him off. This whole day - this whole month - has been one gigantic mess. It's not fair that things are this way: with Mikuru gone, and Koizumi leaving soon, and Haruhi wanting to kill him, and him somehow suddenly fantasizing about...

Well.

Koizumi would probably be upset. After all, he's been hinting none-too-subtly that Kyon and Haruhi should hook up. But all this is his fault anyway. If he had just left things the way they were, none of this would have happened, and they could all have been living their normal lives.

It's just that the way she was talking seemed so normal. Like nothing was wrong, like Koizumi hadn't left. Of course, that isn't her fault. She doesn't know. Yuki wouldn't tell her, of course, and all Kyon did was lie to her about it.

Maybe, subconsciously, he wished that if Haruhi believed that lie it would become the truth. But if that was his plan, it failed. And now he doesn't know what to do.

He dries his face off and heads for the kitchen. Maybe he should take some painkillers. He's starting to get a headache.

After a second his mind registers that there's an envelope sitting on the counter. He doesn't remember putting it there, and the door was locked. There's no address.

The letter inside is written on pastel pink stationary with rabbits in the toThe writing is rounded and very neat, although in some places characters have been whited out and rewritten. It's a handwriting he has seen many times before. But not for a long time.

His heart is in his throat as he reads.

To Kyon-kun,

I am not supposed to be sending you this letter. But I was very sad that I didn't get a real chance to say goodbye to everyone, so when I got the opportunity to do this, I had to take it, even if I might get in trouble later. I'm sure you know how that feels. Please don't show it to anyone else.

Right now I am doing very well. For me, it hasn't been very long since we said goodbye - less than a year. I think that now you might be older than I am! Your studies are going well, aren't they? I am also learning a lot of things, and I would love to say more, but... well... it's classified information! I'm sorry.

I know that right now you are going through some trouble. You are probably very confused and don't know what you should do. But please stay strong, because even if things have gone differently from the way you thought, you still have your friends to help you.

I'm sure you must be worried about the SOS Brigade. But you know what? Things will be okay. Because we won't disappear. Even though in some ways I'm far away, in some ways, I'm really close. And I will always be with you in my heart. So I hope that you know that I'm there, and so really, we're all together.

Life will always be different in the future. But that doesn't mean you have to throw away things from the past. It's not enough just to wish for things to return to normal. They can be better than normal, if you're willing to be more honest. There is something you can do. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Believe in your friends. Believe in Haruhi-san, who is stronger than you think. Things will turn out fine.

Always your friend,  
Asahina Mikuru

PS: We will meet again someday.  
PPS: Later, please tell Koizumi-kun "congratulations."

Stapled to the letter is a photograph of the SOS Brigade taken shortly before Mikuru graduated. Kyon can't remember who took it - maybe Tsuruya, or Taniguchi. Everyone is lined up, with Haruhi, of course, in the middle. She has her hands around Yuki and Mikuru's shoulders and is grinning ecstatically at the camera. Flanking them are Kyon, looking a little exasperated as always, and Koizumi.

The expression on Koizumi's face is weird. It's not his usual smile: his eyes are wide open, not hooded. The curve of his lips is small. Something about it is a little wistful, but there's no doubt in his mind that it's a real smile.

Oh, thinks Kyon. So he was happy.

Somehow that makes him think.

This whole time he's been pondering what to do, how to keep Koizumi from leaving, if he wants Koizumi to leave, and he's been trying his best to ignore the subject of why he cares so much. Why he should still consider Koizumi to be his friend after everything that's happened. Because whatever else is going on, it's useless now to pretend that Koizumi *isn't* his friend, on top of... everything else that he may be.

"You don't trust me, do you?" Koizumi asked.

And Kyon said no. But that was a lie. Of course Koizumi doesn't always do what's predictable, and he doesn't often tell the whole truth. He's a devious and somewhat suspicious guy who always makes things difficult by taking everything on himself.

But Kyon trusts him to act with Haruhi's and everyone's best interests in mind, even if what he does may be a mistake. He trusts him to be a good SOS Brigade member - he is Vice-Commander, after all. And if he trusts Koizumi, he has to be trustworthy in response.

...Maybe Mikuru is right. If she's writing a letter from the future, and she's confident enough to tell him that everything will be fine... maybe the SOS Brigade isn't so fragile as to break apart just because they're not high school students anymore.

Kyon folds up the letter again, very carefully.

Then he goes to get the phone. He needs to talk to Haruhi.

xxx

Sanshiro Park is located on the Hongo Campus. It's surrounded by a thick copse of trees, and walking down the pathway is like walking into another world. Or a Closed Space.

Haruhi walks between him and Yuki, looking for all the world like a general on the eve of a great battle.

For a moment he wonders if Koizumi will even keep their appointment. Maybe he changed his mind. He may even have left the country. But they turn a corner and he's there: sitting on a rock, staring out across the pond. His face looks a little better than last time; less haggard and more contemplative. Sonou Mori-san must have been taking care of him.

"Ah," he says, rising from his seat as he sees them. "Good afternoon-"

Immediately Haruhi steps forward, hands planted on her hips. "You can't leave," she says loud enough that the several other people in the area turn to stare. "You have to be in our horror movie. I've decided: you're the hero, and in the end you turn out to be the killer, and it's up to Yuki to end your reign of terror."

Koizumi smiles wistfully. "I'm afraid I don't think that's going to happen, now. I'm sorry, H-" he stops and shakes his head- "Suzumiya-san. This time, I can't just do as you say."

"You can if you know what's good for you. You're my subordinate, so I can't accept this." Haruhi looks highly sceptical. "I mean, what do you need to study abroad for? A degree in Philosophy is the same no matter where you get it. Did you really think we would just let you go without a fight?"

"Everything's decided. I only came here to say goodbye."

"Too bad."

"I've got my plane ticket."

"Cancel it."

"It's better for everyone if I go."

"Says who? You're just running away! Nobody wants you to leave, so you can't go, and that's final!" Her words are childish, bossy, but Haruhi is deadly serious.

Koizumi shakes his head. "Suzumiya-san," he says, a little patronizingly, a little desperately, "you don't understand..."

"Yes, I do. Kyon told me everything."

An expression of utter shock appears on Koizumi's face. Kyon can't help but enjoy it a little.

"And I expected better from you," continues Haruhi, as if she can't hear him. "Really, I thought you of all people would be more responsible! Obviously you can't get pregnant, but you have to be considerate of your health! Kyon could and probably does have all kinds of horrible diseases..."

"You're... upset because I didn't use a condom." Koizumi sounds like he's on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

"Yes. Sexual health is important, after all."

"...I thought you..."

"Thought I what? What did you think?" Haruhi looks genuinely puzzled. Then she shrugs. "Anyway, to be perfectly honest, there's nothing good about this idiot here." She punches Kyon's shoulder, lightly. "But if you've decided that's what you want, who am I to stop you? At least with you around he'll have someone watching out for him. I'm sure you'll have some troubles, but, you know, the power of love can overcome any obstacle."

"Uh," says Kyon, and then stops. It looks like Haruhi has misunderstood something somewhere along the line. But then, that's her all over. "Yeah. Something... like that."

Koizumi looks a great deal less sanguine than he did at the start of this conversation. "I don't think that's quite..."

"I don't really care what you think," says Haruhi blithely. "It's all been decided for you! You're staying here, with Kyon. It's my birthday soon. That means everyone has to do what I say."

Kyon wants to respond that it's not as though she doesn't order people around when it's not her birthday. But for once, he doesn't want to interrupt Haruhi when she's on a roll.

To be honest, he hadn't thought things would go this well. When he spoke to her on the phone earlier he chose his words carefully. But it seemed that Haruhi had already gotten all the rage out of her system, and she was surprisingly philosophical about the whole thing.

"Look," she said, "even if I did want to-" and apparently her pride wouldn't let her continue along those lines, "and I'm not saying I do... It's not like it would matter that much. I mean, you're my flunky first and foremost." She laughs. "Really, what did you think would happen? Do you really think you're *that* attractive?"

He knew that she was putting it on a little strong. But he was afraid that if he said something, she would break down, and they would have a conversation best saved for later.

"Anyway," she continued. "Of course we'll be there. No one is allowed to leave the SOS Brigade without my express permission. And I don't intend on giving that to the Vice Commander." And there was a brief pause. "Or to Mikuru. Even in absentia."

Kyon couldn't help but chuckle. Earlier he had wondered if he should go against Mikuru's instructions and tell Haruhi about the letter, but... maybe she doesn't need to know. Maybe she received a letter of her own.

"Yeah," he said. "That's good."

Now, looking at Koizumi, Haruhi's face softens. "You are going to be in our horror movie," she says, and it's still an order, but it's a gentle one. "And you're going to come to my birthday party, too. And from now on we're going to keep doing fun things together. Aren't we?"

Koizumi's eyes turn to Yuki for a moment, and then to Kyon, and then back to Haruhi. "You really don't take no for an answer, do you."

"Never," says Haruhi firmly. "And now that everything is settled, we'll leave you lovebirds alone." She takes a step back. For a moment the expression on her face is a little bit melancholy. Then she turns. "Yuki! Let's go already!"

"Just a second," says Yuki. She pulls Archaeology of Knowledge out of her bag and presses it into Koizumi's hands. "Here. I enjoyed reading this, so I bought Volume I of the History of Sexuality. When I've finished reading it, I'll lend it to you."

Koizumi hesitates.

"That sounds good," he says, finally. "See you then."

"Yes," says Yuki, and she smiles at him.

"Bye," says Kyon.

And after a couple more goodbyes, they walk away. It's late, and the few other people in the area filtered out during their conversation, so Kyon and Koizumi are alone in Sanshirou Park, staring out over the water as the trees' shadows grow longer and longer.

Asahina-san, thinks Kyon, if you're watching, I hope this is what you had in mind.

"Well," says Koizumi. "Well." And he laughs, nervously. "That was very anti-climactic. I must admit, I'm a bit..." He pauses for a moment. "Disappointed? Maybe?"

"Why? Everything turned out fine."

"...Do you think so?" He looks thoughtful for a moment. "I suppose that since the situation between yourself and Haruhi-san has been resolved, there probably won't be any more incidents of Closed Space. So in that regard, certainly, everything is fine. But you seem to have mislead Haruhi-san about," and he seems to choke on his words for a second before continuing, "certain events."

Kyon shrugs his shoulders. "Not really. I just told her what happened and let her draw her own conclusions about it."

"If you had told her the truth, I don't think she would have drawn those conclusions."

"What truth? That I was helpless and you took advantage of me in a moment of weakness?" He snorts derisively. "Stop acting like everything's your fault. I was as drunk as you were."

"I wasn't drunk."

"I know," says Kyon. Then he sighs. "Look. If I had wanted you to stop, I would have said something. It's not like I was too terrified to move. You... just wanted to make sure I didn't have to take responsibility, right?"

Koizumi averts his eyes and doesn't answer.

"Too bad. I wanted to fuck you. The responsibility is mine, too. So we'll deal with things together. That's how we've always done things, isn't it? So what's the problem?"

"I," starts Koizumi, and then his voice drops to a whisper so low Kyon can't hear him.

"What?"

Koizumi laughs a particularly unfunny laugh. "I don't know what to do." All of a sudden Kyon understands how confused Koizumi really is, how little he understands about what's going on. "For me, you understand, this is an unusual state of things. If Suzumiya-san wants me to stay, I have no -" He stops abruptly and shakes his head. "No, that's wrong. I do have a choice. The truth is, I want to stay. But I probably shouldn't."

He looks at Kyon, as though searching for a confirmation or denial. At first Kyon wants to tell him to decide for himself. But if that's all he says, it's not really fair to Koizumi. He deserves to have some idea of what's going on in Kyon's head.

"Listen," he says, frankly. "To be perfectly honest, I have no idea how I feel about you. But... I need to have you around. So just come back and be my roommate again, okay?"

Koizumi only looks at him for a moment. Then he sighs the deep sigh of someone who realized a long time ago they would have to do something, whether they liked it or not.

"...Okay."

"Good." And Kyon leans forward to kiss him on the mouth, making sure to take his time.

Koizumi doesn't pull away. Clearly this isn't what he was expecting, and he flushes red, as close as he's ever been to being totally caught off guard. Kyon can't help but feel a little bit self satisfied. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, to see Koizumi like this more often.

"And that's the kind of 'no idea' I'm talking about. Just so you know."

For a moment Koizumi looks dazed. Moving as if he's in a dream, he brings his fingers up to his lips. Then he smiles the way he was smiling in Mikuru's photo.

"Well. In that case."

And they start walking back to their apartment.

END


End file.
